Whether you’re an expert at snapping the perfect nude pic or you’re just starting to dip your toe into the sexy selfie puzzle, there’s one technique you need to try.
That technique is posing among plants.
We’re talking about setting up loads of calatheas, Swiss cheese plants, and palms in a corner and nestling yourself within your mini jungle, peeking through vines and posing up leaves to cover anything you’re not keen to show (like your face, tattoos, or any other identifying details. Be safe when sexting, please).
Or just grabbing some cuttings from your houseplant with the largest leaves and holding them aloft as artsy props, hiding your nips and pants area to act as a striptease.
This trend has been hinted at all over Instagram, where all your favourite plant-loving men have posed for shirtless snaps among their best greenery:
The time has come for us to declare this as a trend that must go beyond Instagram, to become its own genre of deeply sexy photography.
The sexy plant selfie deserves to be used by all genders, it deserves to be used when sexting, it deserves to be a way to escalate a flirty conversation.
Because truly, what is sexier than a naked body AND proof that you’re able to look after a houseplant, and are thus a grown adult capable of nourishing and caring for another living thing?
Of course, posing for sexy pics with plants is not a new concept. Girls in bikinis have been peeking out from between palm leaves for decades.
But we must urge you not to save this iconic pose for beaches and holidays alone.
Am I suggesting you invest in a load of massive, leafy houseplants just to make your nudes better?
Yes, yes I am. Do it. It’s cool.
Before you do, though, some warnings.
Make sure that your houseplants have leaves fit for purpose in size, shape, and colour. If you’re trying to cover up certain bits of your bod, you don’t want to be faffing about with trailing vines that allow bits to shine right though. Big leaves are your friend.
Choose plants with interesting leaf patterns (I’m partial to a pinstripe calathea) but balance out with some more simple additions. You don’t want so much visual interest in your plant surroundings that they steal focus from the main attraction (that’s you, because you are hot).
Ensure your plants are well cared for and watered before you use them in a photo. Again, the message you want to send with a sexy plant selfie is: ‘I am hot, yes, but I can also care for plants’. Yellowing leaves and drooping stalks ruin this image. Bone-dry soil will only distract attention, leaving the recipient of your nude wondering when you last watered your plants – are these just props to you? Are you faking this whole thing?
And finally, just double check your plants don’t cause any skin irritation before you start galavanting around your indoor jungle in the buff. Don’t get too into the setting either – these are external props and plants should not be used internally.
Once you have sorted these things out, you’re ready to go. Get naked, pose up, and enjoy the knowledge that your nudes are on another level.